Survival of the Mutants
by batman100
Summary: The X-Men stage a daring but explosive breakout from a Canadian prison camp...with help from Alice and the Resident Evil gang. Pretty nifty, eh?


**Survival of the Mutants**

**Somewhere in the Canadian Wilderness…**

"How did this even happen? I mean, there we were, in the mansion, you know, watching Family Feud…when all of a sudden, these guys came outta nowhere. I mean, what in the hell?" Remy spat uncontrollably as he, Scott, Jean, Logan and the X-Gang were huddled in a massive prison block in a massive concentration camp in Nova Scotia.

"Just stay calm Remy, everything's gonna be fine" Jean relaxed before seeing a brutish guard stare at them, sharpening an axe. At that sight, Jean sobbed fearfully "Oh God, get us outta here!"

"Hey hey hey! Cool it!" Scott sputtered as Jean continued to shriek "Jean? Jean? You're overacting"

Jean stopped and stared at Scott "What?"

"Overacting. You're hamming it up" Scott translated. Jean stared at him like he was crazy

"Psst. There's a medical clinic not far from here for your redhead chick over there" A guard whispered to Scott before making the loopy sign with his finger to Jean, who was clearly beyond sanity…and reasoning

"I'm **not** mad! I'm just…*insane*. Yeah, isnane" Jean babbled, her voice starting to turn crazed

"Uh, guards? Could you get some Thorazine drip over here?" Remy called out before Rogue strangled him to shush

"Ok! You've made me feral! Yeah, you want a damn prison dog around here?!" Jean hollered, barking savagely, as the inmates recoiled in fear

"Um…can we move to a more private cell? This chick's giving me the creeps" an inmate requested to a clearly dumfounded guard

"I have an idea: Why don't **you** be the prison guard and **we** get ourselves mangled by some overacting drama queen." The guard responded sarcastically

"Never mind" The inmate answered, muttering under his breath

"I thought so. But nice try smart-ass. You think some action chick would attack this cell with a bunch of zombie hunters. Hah! What a load of bullshit! What a load of…" The guard started to rant before a deafening explosion broke out

"You were saying?" Alice hissed, her gun poised at the guard's 'privates'

"Please don't shoot me in the crotch. Please" The guard groveled, even going far to kissing Jill's feet

"Ugh! Disgusting!" Jill spat, shoving the pushover off before pressing a trigger on a detonator

"Well, well, the cavalry's here" Scott replied enthusiastically as Jill opened their cell gates

"Nice to see you, Scott" Jill grinned before a loud explosion occurred over in the prison stronghold

"What the hell was that?" Logan asked, grimacing over the noise

"Um…what's more important, an explosion or **that**?" Alice asked, directing Logan's attention to an army of rampaging prison guards…charging right toward the X-Gang

"And now we have to run" Jill replied, with a deadpan expression

"Um…fire on the mountain" Scott gasped, running for the gate as the group followed

"Scott! Hold up! You're going too fast!" Jean shouted, panting as Scott and Jill sped off like maniacs

"Is he **always** that crazy?" Alice asked, amazed by Scott's stamina

"Yep. That's why I married him" Jean replied before the two girls and the X-Group followed their leader

"Well, I think we ditched them" Jill panted, as she and Scott huddled under a log for cover before a handgun dangled over her head. Jill flashed up and saw Jean and the crew

"Oh its you. You're pretty agile with that" Jill commented at Jean's accuracy

"Eh, nothing much. Just like to run wild" Jean joked before Bobby's eyes turned wide

"And speaking of running wild…" Bobby hollered, as Jean looked and saw Dobermans running toward them

"Let's get the bloody hell out of here!" Pyro screamed as the X-Men ran for it

"Took the words right outta my mouth" Luther grunted, leaping over a log

"Aaugh!" Scott screamed in pain as a Doberman gnawed on his leg

"Scott!" Jean shrieked. In fury, Peter grabbed the Doberman and hurled him into the woodlands, thus colliding with the pursuers, where they collapsed in a giant heap

"Thanks…Peter. Go" Scott panted, as the wounds dug deep

"No one is left alone. Not in this group" Peter responded, hoisting Scott up in his arms

"Look out!" Leon screamed as a heat-seeking missile flew at his direction

The missile exploded.

"No!" Logan roared in horror as the smoke billowed. The X-Men bowed their heads

"…It's **not** possible" Victor roared before the smoke faded

"Ugh…it missed a spot" Scott wheezed. He and Peter survived the explosion. The X-Men's look of mourning changed to a look of victory

"Whoo-hoo! Right on, big guy!" Lance whooped

"Nicely done. There's more to you two then meets the eye" Wesker grinned before turning to the team "Let's move"

Back in New York…

"Hold still. It's only a small prick" Jill ordered, as she treated Scott's wounds after the explosion

"Ow!" Scott winced as the needle pierced his arm

"Well…maybe a little **strong** prick" Jill replied, joking. Scott smiled before relaxing as the needle was gently drawn out

"You took one hell of a blast there, bud. Your suit's got some skin grafts but…Leon's working on it." Alice said, entering the med ward with Jean, Logan and Peter

"Yeah, it's all right. But hey…I couldn't have done it without Peter" Scott replied as the gentle giant stepped toward him. His arm was in a cast. Fortunately, it would heal rapidly

"What we did was very brave. I just couldn't leave you there" Peter confessed as Scott stroked his armored hand sympathetically

"Thanks for saving me, brother" Scott replied as the two embraced

"Oh…so touching" Wesker replied, choking up

"Albert…is that **tears** coming down your face?" Alice asked incredulously

"No! It's…just sun block" Wesker replied before sobbing sympathetically and joining Scott and Peter in their embrace

"Ok two things: First, get a camera. Second…you might wanna get Logan a tissue" Jean ordered as Logan sobbed hysterically

"That's the best guy moment **ever**!" Logan weeped

"Logan? Logan? You're overacting" Jean replied, joking

"What?!" Logan snapped

"Overacting. You're um…*hamming* it up" Jean whispered, winking at him

Logan just stared at Jean before waving his hands in the air "Women…gotta love em" He grinned, giving the camera a thumbs-up

Later…

Alice was about to take a shower, her clothes off before she noticed the camera "Seen enough?" She asked, blasting it with her shotgun


End file.
